I wish....

...I can go somewhere for a holiday, I badly need one. When I see pictures of my friends going places, I wish I could go somewhere too..

...I don't have to go to work during weekends..

...that I have more time to spend with family..

...that I don't have to answer phone calls with "I'm busy, can't talk now.." (That is, IF I actually answer those calls)

...I have more time for my niece, as it is I can't even let her sleep with me anymore..

On being a medical houseman in Malaysia

*Note : This entry is my opinion and my opinion only.*

Initially, when I first went to the UK I had the intention of coming back after graduating. Somewhere along the line, I thought it would be good if I stayed behind a few years until I finished the Royal College exams (whichever I decide to do). And then the UK government came up with immigration laws that made me decide to pack my bags and start fresh as a doctor after graduating from med school.

I'm currently doing my first posting in the Medical department at Hospital Kuala Pilah, considered as a district hospital. Whether it's any better or worse than the General Hospitals I don't know considering this is the first hospital I'm working at.

So far, it's been busy. To be honest, I haven't had time to do anything else. Last month I did EOD (every other day) on-calls for a month. I celebrated night before Raya being on-call. On Raya day I donned my baju Raya, visited a relative's house, went back home and slept. I woke up the next day and went back to HKP, and was on-call again. At sharp 12 a.m. on my birthday I 'celebrated' it with a patient who came in feeling breathless. Currently, there are 6 housemen so on-call days are approximately every third day, so it's not so bad. I haven't had time to read a story book and my niece is puzzled why I avoid sleeping with her whenever I come back during weekends (takut she wakes up at night & buat hal, I can't afford having interrupted sleep).

Being a houseman you have to do rounds during weekends so effectively you work 7 days a week (in the medical department, at least). You work like a dog, and sometimes you get treated like one. If you are lucky, you get nice MOs and consultants. Otherwise you get yelled at by your boss at least every other day, in full view of the nurses, patients and their relatives. After a while the skin on your face become so thick that whenever you get a scolding your mind automatically teleports you to a sandy-white beach, with you sitting on a nice deck chair sipping your favourite beverage...but at the same time praying that while you're having this nice vision of yourself the consultant doesn't end his tirade with a question that your didn't even hear because you were busy sipping iced lemon tea in your mind's eye.

When I first started, it was quite frustrating mainly because I had to adjust from being a medical student to a fully-qualified doctor, and to make things more complicated, in a different environment than the one I was trained in. I was just as ignorant a doctor as I was a student, the only difference is the MBBS certificate I now hold. I am still ignorant in many ways, there's so much to learn, but I AM learning.

Someone posted a question in the previous entry, "rasanye kalo lepas 2 tahun balik mesia, competent ke nak jd MO?" Maybe experience-wise you'll have a different exposure compared to doctors here, but don't discount yourself too much when you compare yourself to doctors here. Being a doctor, you learn new things all the time, and this lasts throughout your career (at least, that's what I think). And in this business of life-and-death, I take this approach : if you are not sure, you don't know what to do, ask someone who knows. Doesn't matter who. Sometimes when I don't know what to do and my MO isn't around, I ask the nurses for their opinion. Never underestimate the nurses. Many of them have years of experience under their belt and can be invaluable.

If you think that your peers in Malaysia have more experience, so what? You'll pick things up when you come back. Just don't be shy to ask. And make sure you maintain a good rapport with everyone.

Do I regret coming back here? No, I don't. (Although there are times I wish that I could just run away from all the work stress and lead the life of a lady of leisure...*sigh*)

p/s : to mr. scary_movie, actually abt prospect postgraduate studies tu, I'm still a bit clueless about it...nantila saya find out okay...