Just about enough

To be perfectly honest, I feel that Paeds is the attachment (so far) that I've enjoyed the least.

Strange, the one specialty I had been planning and dreaming to do eversince I decided to go into medicine, it let me down.

Or rather, I've let myself down.

Maybe it's because of the circumstances, I didn't really enjoy the hospital rotation. It was done in such a way that you don't have any particular attachment to the department. Perhaps it's also because I had such an amazing time in O&G that when I started Paeds, it did not meet my expectations.

Don't get me wrong, paediatrics itself is an interesting subject.

But then, why do I wake up in the morning, trying to find excuses not to go for lectures although it's just 2 minutes' walk away? I still attend, of course, but more often than not, I sit there being (overly) critical of the lecture, and feeling cross at the same time.

I know I'm over reacting, but I cannot help it, no matter how many times I try to psych myself up, trying to be optimistic.

You see, I'm one of those people who can't change their minds about something once they've made their mind up. VERY unfortunate.

Disappointment was the first emotion I felt when I started this rotation. And it stayed that way, mostly because my mind refuses to see the silver lining around the dark cloud.

I've had just about enough. With the rotation, and with my negative attitude.